I say I fell in love with him, but I must attempt to clarify what "love" meant to me at that time. I was from a place where love between a man and a woman was only dramatized using sex. And not that fairytale, carry-me-away-on-a-white-horse kind of passionate sex, either. It was the dark, forbidden, dirty kind. The kind where there would be a definite exchange of services for money. Not prostitution; just every day people. Sex was a tool, and too many times I saw the tool get used and equated to love. I remember once when I was around 9 or 10 years old, my mother was having male company in the living room. I hated it when had men over because even then I knew that she would be "doing the nasty" with them, and then suddenly, one of use would be getting something new that we needed. She didn't work, so I don't know what the hell I expected of her! Unbeknownst to me, it was my turn. The next morning, we all dressed and ready to go downtown shopping. We go into the shoe store, and I was then informed that I was getting new tennis shoes (sneakers, for those of you in the midwest :). I can still feel the contempt that I felt at having her buy me shoes with that money. I had the audacity to open my mouth and proudly announce that "I don't want your whore shoes!" Needless to say, she slapped the taste out of my ungrateful mouth, and bought the shoes anyway; and I wore them, too! But not all of the men who came around were for money, though. Some of them were just for drunken fun with her best friend, who will remain nameless. I need to say that "B", who was my mother's best friend is one of the most wonderful, caring peopleI have ever known. She loved my mother with her whole heart. I will be forever grateful for her presence in my mother's life for almost all of her life. They were teenagers together. They both came to know the Lord at the same time in their lives, and their friendship never ended; right up to our mother's death. She even helped me handle the funeral arrangements. I knew nothing about preparing a funeral. She was so gracious, and caring. Thanks, "B". But I digress. I was attempting to clarify that my concept was, and some ways still is, way off. So when this lovely black man reached out his hand to make sure that I didn't die, I knew that what I had known before that moment was not love at all. This was different. Yes, we had sex, lots of sex, incredible sex; but somehow, I knew that even if he and I never saw each other again past Tech school, he would remain one of "those" people forever in my heart. But once again, as my Higher Power would have it, our paths were to forever remain tied for now.